My dad said to me today that he had read my post yesterday and that maybe the match in question just didn’t like my photo and moved on. This is a definite possibility since the pictures posted are of me. Not much I can do about it though. As my uncle once told a customer while running an old time photo booth at a casino, “look lady, the camera only records what it sees”. Maybe an upgrade in the quality of my photo is in order though. The picture will still be of me, yet maybe it could show me in a better light, so to speak.

How do you go about getting a good picture of yourself to post online?

• If you know any professional photographers or amateurs for that matter, get them to snap a few photos of you or at least get some advice on how to take a good photo.
• Next time you are going out with some friends or to a party etc., make sure you take along a digital camera. Don’t have one. Find a friend who does. You are probably looking your best at this time anyway. So, snap away.
• Take a night with a friend and take a bunch of photos of you doing different things. After a few dozen digital pics, you should be able to find one that you and your friend like. Not the mention the shear fun that you could have doing this.
• Don’t know any photographers, no digital camera; don’t have any friends or the above just sounds like too much of a hassle then try a service like LookBetterOnline. They will help you find a professional in you area that will get you looking your best.

These are just a few things that can possibly make the pictures you use online a little better. Just remember what my uncle said and go out there and get shooting.

As of yesterday I had 4 new matches on eHarmony. As of today 2 have already closed off communication without having done any communicating. The other two seem to be people who have not signed up for the service, as they have not completed their introductory info yet. So nothing will probably come from any of these matches. Yet it makes me wonder, what people are looking for? Why do they close off communication so quickly?

One closed off communication choosing: I have too much happening in my life at the moment as their reason. See previous entry: Closing Off Communication on eHarmony for what I think about using that reason. The other closed off communication using the reason: Based on statements in their profile, I’m not interested in this match. This is the reason I would use for closing off things this early. But, why close off this early is my question?

I attempt to communicate with pretty much every match I get at eHarmony. I am paying good money in an attempt to find someone who might be compatible for the long-term should there be chemistry. This type of dating site lends itself to fewer possibilities than the big sites like Match.com or Yahoo! Personals. So, why would I instantly limit the possibilities even more without attempting to get to know some of these matches? Why do people close off so quickly? I don’t know. If you do, let me know.

So I decided to look at this a little closer. I looked at the close off with the reason of statements in their profile. In her profile she states that she is looking for someone who is honest, has an easygoing personality, is of strong character and has a good sense of humor. I may be biased but I think if you asked my friends, family, coworkers or even acquaintances that these are qualities that they would say I have. Some might even say that I am too easygoing and joke around too much. Like you can joke around too much. Yet none of these, in my opinion, are qualities that you can evaluate very well with just a picture and a few words of text. Maybe the sense of humor can be judged and she didn’t think what I wrote in response to a couple of questions was funny.

Under things that she is thankful for she put: family, friends and health. This is the exact same thing that I have for that answer. Under leisure activities she states being a ‘golf junkie’. My profile states that golf is one of my favorite activities. These were all things that peaked my interest in possibly getting to know her, yet did nothing for her in wanting to get to know me.

The eHarmony site says we could be compatible. We have a few things in common. She didn’t want to communicate, I would have. Still not sure what people are looking for or at least don’t understand the ways in which they go about trying to find it. I thought the purpose of online dating was to use the power of the Internet to meet people that you otherwise would not have ever probably met. Thus raising your chances of meeting a special someone. The key word above being meet, as of now this doesn’t seem to be so much the case. So the journey continues…

I was reading an article I came across from the Norwell Mariner on TownOnline. This article was about the hybrid dating service eLove and their opening of an office locally. They say they take the best of online dating and offline matchmaking and put them together. Thus, creating a site where only the most serious of potential mates can be found. At $1500 to sign-up and a reoccurring monthly charge you would have to be serious for sure. But that is not what struck me most in the article.

What struck me was why the people behind eLove started it in the first place. According to Paul Falzone the CEO:

Online dating sites are become diluted by dishonesty, as members of various sites provide information that may not be completely true - they may be legally married, for example - or they’ll post photographs of themselves that are 15 years old.

Is this true? I know that some of this type of stuff happens. Is it really on such a large scale as Falzone implies? Online daters are trying to put their best foot forward in an attempt to entice a potential mate to look their way. But are people really being this dishonest? And if so, why? The bait and switch idea in online dating does not make much sense to me.

Why would you present yourself as something you are not? Once you meet the person you are going to know that the picture was misleading to say the least. Who out there is going to meet someone like this and want to continue seeing him or her? If they would basically lie about something so easy to be shown as false, what else would they fib about?

Most internet daters are basically looking for someone with which to create a life together. At least I am. So if you are tempted to go the dishonest route take a step back and think about what you are doing. Are you looking for someone with some integrity? Would you want to show up to meet someone and find out what they have been telling you is complete bunk? Probably not, so why would you do it to someone else?

No matter how hard it may be for you to put yourself out there. You need to put yourself out there. Your true self, because there is pretty much someone out there for everybody, multiple someone’s in fact. But, how do you expect them to find you, if you are trying to be someone else?

Most people are looking for a certain product and it must do for them what they want it to do. We read the product info and decide great that is just what I am looking for and we put it in our shopping carts and checkout. A few days later your package arrives. You open it up as fast as you can like a kid at Christmas. You can’t wait to start using your new Super Duper Deluxe Thing-a-ma-jig. At that point you realize you’ve been taken for a ride and that product does not work as advertised.

So, what do you do? You call or write an email and complain. Then you send it back wasting your time and money. You tell yourself that you are never going to buy anything like that again. Then you see the new and improved Super Duper Deluxe Thing-a-ma-jig 2.0. It has everything that you could possibly want and more and it just looks so darn great. A few weeks later you’re packaging up another piece of flotsam and sending it on its way. Once again wasting your time and money.

Online daters do this. They browse the online catalog of potential matches out there in the online world. They find what looks to be the can’t miss Super Duper Deluxe Mate and drop them in their proverbial shopping cart and a few days later after that first meeting decide that this was the last time they do that again. Then Super Duper Deluxe Mate 2.0 signs up at your online dating service and off you go again.

This is quite circular and leads you right back to where you are. Which is where you don’t want to be or you wouldn’t have tried online dating in the first place. Why do we keep using the same flawed match selection criteria? Why do we think it will be different this time?

Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity “is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” Do we see ourselves as insane as online daters? Have we just taken our faulty offline dating practices and moved them online. The main difference being that we can now really zip through these bad dates in greater quantity and at a faster pace than offline.

If this has been your online dating experience then try something new. Try a different online dating or matchmaking site. Fiddle with your match criteria, you could be missing out on some great people. If for no other reason than to just get yourself out of a rut, try being George Costanza.

Remember the episode of Seinfeld where George decides to do the exact opposite of whatever it would be that he would usually do in any given situation. Taking every instinct and doing the complete opposite might be an interesting way to go. Go ahead and try it. What you’re doing now isn’t working, so why not? At the very least you could meet some fascinating and out of the ordinary new people. Online Daters get off your not so merry-go-round and maybe you’ll find someone you won’t want to ship back.